Happy New Years!

Happy New Years Everyone! 

Jordan had a great time at her Nana B's house with Kayden and Trent, her cousins.  She got to run almost completely wild and free. 

Emily, wasn't quite so happy.  The party started about an hour before her like-clock-work bedtime.  She was whiny and fussy.  Josh ended up taking Emily home where they battled out bedtime without Mommy.  Emily finally fell asleep on  Josh in our rocker recliner.  Sweetest thing I've seen in along time is the two of them cuddled up in my chair together.

Jordan cuddled up on the couch while I held Emily for a little while.  I transferred them both to their prospective beds, then watched the ball drop.

2010 saw a lot for the Parker Family. 

• I started my graduate program and have maintained a 4.0 average across my first three semesters. 
• Jordan started VPK three days a week and loves it.  I've never seen her learn and change so much as I have this past year. 
• Emily turned one, learned to walk, talk, sing, and dance through the year with joy and laughter. 
• Josh and I celebrated five years of marriage on a cruise to the Bahamas. 
• I started teaching a new grade with a new team and a new classroom. 
• I lost 20 pounds and reached my pre-pregnancy weight through self-control, a healthy diet, and exercise.

I have to wonder what 2011 has in store for us.  It feels like a waiting year since 2012 is going to be a big one for us.  I will graduate and Jordan will start Kindergarten.  For now, I will hope that we are able to restore some financial security.  I will hope for patience and strength in communication with my family members.  I will hope for peace of mind and clarity in decision making.

I am making a resolution to lose the last 20 pounds that will put me at my healthiest weight for my height and age.  I am resolving to maintain my 4.0 GPA.  I am resolving to be more patience with my oldest daughter, and more consistant with my younger daughter. 

Again, Happy New Year friends and family.  I pray for peace, hope, and love for you in this new year.

Dreams

Jordan fell asleep on the couch while we were watching the animated series, Avatar: The Last Airbender last night.  So I hauled her into her own bed (haul is the best word because she is HUGE now.  It's hard to carry her at all).  About 4:30 am she came into our room.

Jordan: "Mom, you forgot our prayer."
Me: "Jordan, you fell asleep on the couch before we could do prayers."
Jordan: "Could I cuddle with you and do our prayers now."
Me: "Sure."
She climbs under the covers and we snuggle in.  I recite the prayer Jordan has constructed and wants repeated nightly. 'Dear God, please protect Jordan while she is sleeping.  Give her the sweetest of dreams about ponies, princesses, castles, and pink sparkly dresses.  Thanks you God for the sun, soil, rain, and flowers.'  She then adds in a person she wants to pray for.

Jordan: "Good night Momma."
Me: "Night Jord."
We both fell back asleep and at an unknown amount of time later, I feel Jordan's belly shaking.  I realize she's giggling in her sleep.  Then she starts laughing out loud.  After a couple of minutes I realize she is awake.

Me: "What are you dreaming about Jordy?"
Jordan: "Oh Mom, it was the funniest thing.  Donald Duck was screaming "DUCK! DUCK!" and then he fell in the doggy pool.  Do you know who was in the pool with Donald?!  Free Willy!"
Me: "That is funny Jordan.  That must have been a big doggy pool."
Jordan: "It was HUGE!" 
She then started laughing hysterically again.

Playroom Organization Ideas

After spending some time at my sisters and looking at the tornado that exists in my daughter's playroom, I have started to collect some ideas for storage and organization for their playroom.  I can't do much about the horrible drop ceiling and jalousy (sp?) windows, or the carpet.  So I'm going to post some pics and point out the stuff I think I'd like to incorporate in our room. 

The back room is rectangular.  I love the lower modular shelving along the two walls.  I would want to do this on one wall and make them deeper so that the shelves could become window seats.

The entertainment center we have works in our room but I like this modualr center better.  I also like there is not a large couch in this room.  Our back room has a large couch-bed that is old and broken.  It needs to go.

The other thing I like about this room is the use of baskets to store toys.  I'd much rather see the baskets than the toys.

My kids have tons of books.  They love to look at books and they love being read to.  As a teacher, I hate putting my books on a shelf with just the spines showing.  I know that kids don't choose books by the spines.  At my kid's ages, they chose books by their covers! 

I love these floating shelves.  I have floating shelves that my brother built for me in my living room.  I like the idea of continuity to the back playroom.  Besides, it wont be a playroom forever and I don't want to have to redesign everything when that time comes. 

Instead of a small table underneath, I'd put a couple of baskets for books needing to be reshelved and/or extras to circulate through.  I'd also want a couple of comfy chairs.  This shelving is pictures between two doorways.  Our is on a huge wall.



I LOVE this as a storage option for toys the girls want to get their hands on often.  I think I could make it work to store other things when the toys are gone someday.  I like that it has an old farmhouse feel. 



 The art table here would be perfect for the girls.  It's wide enough to fit two and has storage bins for all the supplies they need to create all the wonderful things they like to create.  I worry a little that it's too small for them for long term though.

Maybe something like this, times 2...would be better long term for the girls.  I love the butcher paper roll.  I don't like the bench though.  I think I'd prefer they have chairs.

An option with this desk is to put two sets of those floating book shelves in and in between them the desks.  Then on the wall inbetween, there could be some wire hung so the girls could hang their hard dry or to display.


Okay, I think that's enough for now.  What do you think?

Mommy's Little Thief

It was a busy day of running around yesterday.  I grabbed my neice, Alexis, so I could run in and out of some stores to get items for the girls without them seeing.  We had a great ladies lunch, as Jordy likes to call it when just the girls go out for a meal. 

One of our stops was to Michaels.  We are creating a craft for the grandparents for the girls to give.  We got our stuff and went up to pay.  Jordy was really well behaved in the store.  I was complimenting her as we walked out to the car when I turned and saw her munching on something.  Here is the conversation that ensued:

Me:"Jordan, what are you eating?"
Jordan:"Chocolate."
Me: "Where did you get the chocolate?"
Jordan: "From the store.  They were sitting out and I wanted one."
Me: "Jordan, that's stealing.  Everything in a store has to be bought."
Jordan: "Oh, I'm sorry Mommy."

So now we're standing on a precipise.  What do I do?  Laugh it off as a one time event, hope that our little talk is enough to keep her from doing it again?  I decide this is a teachable moment and take it by the reigns.

Me: "You're going to have to go back inside with me and explain what you did and apologize.  Then you are going to pay for that candy with your allowance money."
Jordan: "Okay, Mommy"

To Jordan's credit, she did not put up any kind of a fuss and showed remorse immediately.  I could tell she didn't understand that those candies weren't free.  I think in her mind it was like getting the free cookie when you go to Publix.  Once she understood she was wrong she was willing to make it right.  We went back into the store.  I handed Jordan a dollar bill and we waited in line with her half-eaten candy and the wrapper in hand.  We approached the counter:

Me: I whispered the the cashier to please play along to which she nodded her assent. "My daughter needs to explain something to you."
Jordan: "Um, I'm sorry.  I took this and didn't pay for it."
Cashier: "I'm glad you came back to pay.  That was the right thing to do." 
Jordan: "I'm going to pay for it with my allowance."
Cashier: "Okay, sweetie."

We finished the transaction.  I had Jordan tell Josh what she did.  I want to make it clear that all of this was down with calm voices, and me talking at eye level with her.  I wasn't angry at all.  I simply wanted her to understand the gravity of stealing and that when you don't know you've done something wrong, you still have to make it right.

I'm very proud of her.  She did not break down, throw a tantrum, or get angry.  She simply accepted responsibility.  I guess I'm doing something right. 

Sweet Sleepers

Last night Jordan's Nini took her to the City of Clearwaters hoiday celebration.  There was a Christmas village with pony rides, petting zoo, and Santa and down the street a sled right with "snow".  She had a blast!  When she got home we cuddled on the recliner.  She wiggled and giggled.  She cuddled and kissed.  About halfway through the movie she layed across my lap and became very still.  My busy little bee was asleep.  I gladly held her for the remainder of TinkerBelle's new movie. 

While Jordan was out with Nini, Emily stayed home and had some alone time with Josh and I.  She showed off by spinning in the living room, dancing, and jumping.  After a while, I started watching a show on the tv and Josh went into his "man cave".  Emily followed him down the hall.  She sometimes will play with some toys next to him.  I didn't hear her for a while so I went to investigate. 

Emily had taken Jordan's Xena doll and layed down in the hallway right outside Josh's "man cave" door.  Emily was laying on her belly with her legs bent at the knee 90 degrees up the wall.  Sound asleep. 

I picked her up and transferred her to the bed.  She cuddled right into her blankie and stayed asleep until 7am.

Such sweet little sleepers I have.

Day 3: Cleaning Day

Yesterday I spent the whole day cleaning.  It had to get done.  1)The house was starting to look like a hoarder's house. 2)Thanksgiving is at my house. 3)The house was starting to smell like hoarder's house.  It is embarrassing to admit that I am a slob but there you have it.  I hate house work.  Although I like cooking for guests, I dislike the mess it causes and so even avoid much cooking.  Every break from school that I have, I usually spend almost half of it cleaning to get caught up.

I had extreme doubts about whether or not I was going to get the amount of cleaning done that needed to get done with a four year old and almost-two year old underfoot.  To my surprise....they were the easy part (until I got to the playroom).  The girls decided that they would play dress up and castle in their bedroom (and by they...I mean Jordan).  Jordy put Emily's pink princess dress on and she was dressed as Tiana (the New Orleans wedding dress).  They created a castle in the bedroom by taking down the bedrail and slanting the mattress of Jord's bed.  It look more like a lean-to...but who am I to dash the imaginatings of a four year old?

They played for almost an hour in there which allowed me to get the whole kitchen and dining room cleaned up.  By then, it was lunch time.  Tyson popcorn chicken and grapes were to follow.  Emily then, was out for the count.  That girls takes a serious naps still...from 1-4!  I napped on the couch while Jordan watched a movie.  After naptime I tacked the playroom.  I wish I had taken a before picture.  I do not enter the playroom often because it's a warzone and trip hazzard for an very clumsy mommy.  Jordan had "defeathered" a boa all over the room.  I had picked up almost all the feathers when Jord wandered in and realized what I had done.  She ran to the trash can and grabbed handfulls out, threw them into the air, and danced while they fall.

People, I try to live in the moment.  I try to think that she has such a great imagination and I am thankful that she is such a create person...but FEATHERS EVERYWHERE ARE NOT FUN!

The toughest part of the day was explaining to Jordan that it was time to get rid of the toys she doesn't play with anymore.  I like to get rid of a lot of toys this time of year since she will undoubtedly get a lot of Christmas.  Why add more mess to our mess?  I will be sorting and donating some toys while she sleeps tonight.

First Day of Thanksgiving Break

Being a teacher has some huge advantages as far as time off goes.  I get the next week off to be with my girls.  Today was day one.  My smallest daughter decided that 6 am would be a GREAT time for me to get up on my first day of vacation.  Luckily, her sister stayed in bed until 7:30.  After a light breakfast, they settled for show. 

They decided to play for a while in their playroom together.  I stayed in the living room listening in.  They played in the Little Tykes house for a while rocking their baby dolls and pretend cooking for each other.  I heard them dump the legos and begin to build a tower together.  Then I heard a slap and before I could get up to run damage control and institute a time out I heard this exchange:

"I'm sorry Emmy.  I shouldn't have hit you." Jordan says remorsefully.
"I'm soo-rry, Sissy." Emily replies. 
I then hear some slippy kisses and a couple I love yous.  I let it go.

I know it wont always be this way.  They sometimes fight and I know they will continue to get annoyed with each other.  What are sisters for?  But these glimmers of hope.  These queit moments of forgiveness and acceptace...well, they are priceless. 

I later told Jordan how proud I was that she realized she had made a bad choice and immediately apologized for it.  She shouldn't hit in the first place, but she is four and she's learning.  I forget sometimes that she is only four and somewhat a slave to her sence of self.

Messes

This has been a very long morning.  Emily called out for me at 5am.  Here I was all excited about getting an hour back.  I blissfully remember being all cuddled up with Josh in bed in the years before kids.  Sleeping till noon (or later) on Sundays.  I don't know if there are any studies about the physical and psychological affects of day light savings but I personally feel a huge psychological affect!  Something in my brain just gets all gooey at the thought of gaining an hour! 

Some kids may be willing to snuggle in the wee hours of the morning until the sun peeks up over the horizon.  Emily is not one of those children.  When she gets up, she's up.  She immediately asks for a juice and a Callou (PBS Sprout show about a four year old boy) or Ho-Ho (a character from Ni Hoa Kai Lan on Noggin). 

Jordan joined Emily at 6:20am.  They both crawled into the recliner for a not so cuddly cuddle.  Elbows, knees, chins, and bonked heads ensued.  I got them both a snack and water.  I transferred my blanket and pillow to the couch and proceeded to konk out.  They, being the diabolical harbingers of sleep debrivation, transferred to the couch.

Later in the morning, I was slurping my coffee and working on some assignments I had not realized I skipped until this morning (that's another story).  The girls had been gleefully playing in their playroom.  I could hear them talk to one another, singing, playing house, and with legos.  It was quiet for a long time but I heard whispering so I figured they were forming their sisterly bond.  Who was I to interrupt such a special time between them?  Jordan came out to the living room to ask me if she could have a drink.  There, on her face, the evidence of mischief making. 

"Jordan, what's that on you face?"  I ask suspiciously.
"Noth-fing."  she replies innocently.
"It's looks a lot like marshmellows," I respond.  I watch as her eyes open wide.  I can almost here her internal monolgue...how does she know?  I race out to the playroom.  And there, inside her canvas pink Disney Princesses castle with tunnel...spread all over the floor are the remains of a bag of Lucky Charms cereal.  A quick scan confirms what I thought, all the marshmellows have been eaten, leaving all the cereal peices.  SIGH!

"Jordan!!!!!"  I hear her run.  She hides underneath Emily's crib.  I tell her she has a 10 minute timeout and she's not to leave her room.  I have never dolled out a "grounding" like this before and I hear her whimper as I stomp back out to the playroom.  I immediately vacuum up the mess in anger (I do like to clean when I'm angery).  In retrospect, I should have made her clean it.

After 10 minutes I was calmer and went in to talk to her.  I informed her that because of her poor choices, I was taking away all her dress up dresses for two days.  She could earn them back by helping me to clean up the playroom.  Talk about messes!

Cultural Excursion

The family and I headed out today since St. Petersburg Parks were having their centennial celebration, Party in the Parks.  My mother-in-law sent me an email all about the functions going on this weekend.  Josh and I decided to check out S.P.I.F.F. (St. Petersburg International Folk Festival).  We both have very fond memories of attending this when we were kids.  We ordered Jordan a world atlas for kids and are hoping to plant an interest in traveling since we plan to do a lot of it with the girls.

I think it's important to foster a curiosity and acceptance of cultures that are different from our own.  We want to experience other cultures and we want that for our children.  We told Jordan that SPIFFs was a festival celebrating all the countries all over the world.  There were dances, traditional dress, singing, drumming, and FOOD! 

Jordan really loved going into each booth and seeing all the artifacts from all the countries.  In Poland, she fell in love with the dolls.  In Korea, she enjoyed a fan display.  In Thailand, the orchid and bamboo displays.  We watched the tradition Ukranian dancing by kids only a little older than herself and Native American dances.  She asked a lot of questions at the Native American teepee.  Their jewelry was beautiful and Jordan was amazed that they were make from polished deer bones. 

Emily enjoyed all the different foods since she was confined to the stroller.  She ate Chinese donuts and dumplings.  She sampled Jamaican Jerk Chicken and LOVED the Veitmenese Port Kabobs.  She even like the Serbian cheese pie.  We all enjoyed Germany's apple pancakes.  Josh and I fell in love with Fiji's pork red curry with rice and chutney.  Holy Cow!  that was some tasty stuff. 

I think we'll make SPIFFs a tradition.  Admission was free and the food was extremely reasonable!  We have a great few ours out for around $30.  I highly recommend it to all families!  I wish there was a way to take my students.  I remember going when I was in middle school.  We had passports to stamp at each country we visited.  There was a scavenger hunt as well.

I'm going to be an expert

I'm helping Jordan get ready for bed tonight. She says, "Mom, I think I'm going to be an expert when I grow up."
"What kind of expert Jord?" I reply.
"One about the ocean." Jordan tells me.
"Oh! Like a marine biologist. That's someone who studies all the things that live in the sea." You can imagine my excitment. I immediately begin thinking about all the way cool careers my 4 year could one day have studying all the amazing creatures and plants that make the ocean their home. I picture her discovering some kind of deep sea creature.
"Oh no Mom! I mean a mermaid!" She exclaims.

Hope dashed! LOL! She then proceeds to tell me she will need a tail and a top and beautiful red mermaid hair (mermaid = ariel). She's just the best.

Power Struggles

I'm convinced that Jordan and I are destined to butt heads!  We both are strong willed and hard headed.  I want things done my way and she wants things done hers.  It's hard to not get mad when your four year old tells you, "No, I make the rules!" or, "You have to listen to me!" or "I don't care what you say." or "I don't like you anymore Mommy!".  It's hard not to lash out at that. 

I often have to walk away.  Its easy to forget, too, that she is just four years old because of her vocabulary and advanced conversation abilities.  She is, emotionally, just barely four.  She is focused on her autonomy right now, testing her boundaries, and feeling out where she fits in the world.  I pray for patiences and often send up prayers like this: "Please, Lord, give me the right words to say to my little girl to help her see I am trying to help and guide her."

The bedtime routine and getting dressed are the hardest.  Jordan wears ONLY pink clothes.  Although she will wear pants and shorts, she will ONLY wear dresses.  I just want to hand her an outfit in the mornings so we can get dressed and move on with our day.  The bedtime routine has improved greatly since I now say at the start, "One show, one book, one prayer, off to bed."  It's like a mantra and she seems to respond very well to the predicatable routine.

Emily has started to play and seek out structured games.  She enjoys playing hide and seek with Josh and Jordan.  Jordan will hide.  Josh and Emily stay in another room.  I can hear them count together and then yell out, "Here we come!"  Emily's wide grin and hysterical giggle rings through the house and lightens the heart. 

I watch the girls with Josh very closely.  I have realized that my dad passed away shortly after I turned 3.  Every moment that Jordan gets with Josh from here on out are moments I missed out on with my own father.  It is fascinating to watch them enjoy each other; play, laugh, argue, cuddle, and discuss.  So matter how she frustrates me...she is a miracle and she is one lucky duck.

Saddness

A Poem by Heidi Parker 10/12/10
When you know there is no healing, what do you pray for?


Peace, strength, acceptance?

I pray for peace…

     Peace for the hearts that deny there is anything wrong.

     Peace for the hearts that deny a strangers help

     Peace for the hearts that deny comfort to a loved one.

I pray for strength…

     Strength for the caregivers of in the sick

     Strength for the family members that have supported their efforts.

     Strength for the one left behind

I pray for acceptance…

     Acceptance for the stranger

     Acceptance of the hurt

     Acceptance of the final freedom

When distance keeps you from holding the ones who need it

When distance keeps you from your loved ones

When distance hardens your heart

     Who will lend you the comfort you need?



This poem is not related to being a Mom but a hurt I have on my heart right now that I need to let go of.

Proud Mama

A proud mama moment:

We went to the mall this evening so Jordan could pick out a new princess dress for her reward for going to all her swim lessons.  Josh had bought her a Little Mermaid but she didn't like how restricted her legs were.  She ended up choosing Cinderella's wedding dress.

Afterwards, we went to the playground at the mall. After playing for a few minutes Jordan came over to tell us a girl had been pulling on her dress.  We looked over to the little girl, who had Downs and possibly cerebral palsy.  We watched as the little girl pulled on other kids as they were trying to go down the slide.  It was obvious she was trying to play but was having a hard time getting the other kids to play with her.  As we watched some more, we realized the parents were signing with her. 

Josh told Jordan that the little girl was signing so she probably was hard of hearing and didn't know how else to tell her she wanted to play.  Jordan's eyes lit up and she said, "I could sign friend to her!"  She rushed over to sign friend.  The little girl smiled and instantly started signing with Jordan.  The little girl's name was Amanda.  They held hands and wandered around.  Jordan was careful to stay at Amanda's walking pace and reminded her to be gentle when she got rough.  They compared outfits and were signing the colors of their clothes.

What a beautiful gift to see out daughter looking beyond the physical appearance of a girl who was different and find a way to communicate and be friends.  Amanda was upset when they left.  She kept signing friend and home, as if she wanted to take Jordan with her.  The family was very sweet.

Later tonight, as Jordan and I were having our evening cuddle, I asked her what she would like to pray about.  She said, "We could pray for my new friend."  So we did, that Amanda would remain in good health and find more friends that she could communicate with and play with and be happy.

God Bless Little Girls and their generous hearts.

Happy Fourth Birthday Jordan Danielle

Four years ago today, I met someone who changed my life forever.  I know when I got pregnant for the first time that my bond with this unknown being would be special.  Not only because it would be my first child, but because I wanted her with every breath, every cell, every hope and dream.  And somehow I knew she would be a girl.  We half heartedly picked a back up boy name but I knew we wouldn't need it.

The day before I went in to get checked for the final time (Oct. 2, 2006), I was swimming and trying to reach my best friend on the phone, who was out of town.  I left a message not to worry, she wouldn't miss anything because I was feeling no contractions and thought I'd be another week.  Boy was I wrong. 

 I went into to get checked the next morning (Oct. 3, 2006) and I was 4, almost 5 cm dialated.  My midwife told me she could send me over to the hospital immediately to break my water so we could have the baby.  I just looked at her..."I can't!  I have too much to do today!"  LOL!!!!  She said the next day would be just as good.  I like to say that October 3rd is Jordan's almost birthday.

Josh came home from work early and I stopped by my mom's work on my way home.  A phone call to tell your mother you are going to have your first baby...well, it just didn't feel like it would communicate my excitement and fear.  Josh and I spent our evening getting ready for the coming days.  We took Zoe to the breeders for boarding.  We stopped at the store to stock up on paper products so no one would have to do dishes.  We did a couple loads of laundry and cuddled while watching movies.  I even got a nap in.

The next morning (Oct. 4, 2006), we got checked in a Morton Plant and by 8:30 am, Donna, my midwife, had broken my water and we were under way.  Nothing...and I mean NOTHING!...could ever prepare me for how painful labor was.  Jordan was sunnyside up which caused incredible back labor.  But as painful as each contraction was, I was terrified of the epidural. 

I remember begging for relief when I hit transition. Minute long contractions that were 30 seconds apart.  They gave me a shot of stadol to help me rest between contractions.  It slowed things down long enough for me to focus on pushing.  

At 4:20pm, I helped delivery Jordan Danielle Parker into this world.  I remember the first think I thought was, "Oh! It's Josh!"  Jordan was her father's spitting image from moment one...except for her nose which is straight off my own face.  After we knew she was perfect and healthy, I was able to realize what I was feeling.  There is a euphoria connected to giving birth.  I felt like I could do anything...accomplish to most difficult feats.  Although this feeling comes and goes...I often try to recapture it at my weakest moments.  

Jordan is amazing.  She is inquisitive, creative, sensitive.  I truly cannot wait to see who she becomes.  Any hope or dream I may have for her will pale with what she will actually accomplish.  

This morning, October 4, 2010, I woke up my oldest daughter by stroking my hand along her heart shaped face.  She slowly opened her eyes.  "Jordan, today...you are four.  Starting right now." She smiled the biggest of smiles up at my and put her hand on my cheek, "Really Mommy?  Really I'm four?"  It has come so fast and has been an amazing ride.   I can't wait to see what happens next! 

First Swimming Class for Jordy

She was very hesitant. She told the male teacher, Phil, that she was just going to stay on the deep step (which is the pvc pipe steps leading into the shallow end of the pool). He was able to coax her to sit on the ledge with the rest of her class. They taught them how to get in and out safely first. She did not want to do this either but the female teacher, Jasmine, was very animated. Jasmine did it a few times, then had Jordan do it a few times with her hands lightly around her middle, then Jordan was able to do it herself. She held onto the edge to kick like the other kids who had obviously been taking lessons previously. They used a kick board with assistance. She didn't want to do that either but after being held once my Jasmine and seeing the other kids, she bravely tried it and smiled the whole time. Then they each got to throw a floating pool toy out in the middle and the swim teachers held them around the middle so the kids could paddle and kick to get it. At the end they got to jump in. Jordan didn't want to. It was clear she thought they meant she was just going to jump in alone. Once she saw the teachers keep their hands, she did it and told me that was her favorite part. She can't wait to go back next weekend! Me either!

Jordan is the second one from the right in the pink bathing suit.Kick baby Kick!  

Emily, on the other had, has been a little miserable.  I took both girls in yesterday morning to the doctors.  Can I just say how wonderful it is to have a pediatrician who does sick visits on the weekends?!  I love Myrtle Pediatrics!  Jordan has a regular old cold that is on the outs and Emily has a full on sinus infection!  She is supposed to take medicine for 10 days, 2x's a day, 1 1/4 tsp.  She has NEVER taken medicine well.  She sputters, coughs, thrashes, pushes, screams.  I've tried wrapping her in a blanket, blowing in her face, coating the dispenser in sugar, mixing it in yogurt...it's a battle everytime and I have no idea how much she is actually getting.

Despite the sniffles, we took the girls to the part and to Cici's just to get them out of the house.  We were all getting a little stir crazy yesterday.  Here is a link to the pictures from that outing.

http://s64.photobucket.com/albums/h186/mrshparker/Family%20Outings/?action=postupload

Jordan and Emily had a blast!  Emily explored freely and with reckless abandon, testing her climbing abilities.  Her favorite has always been the swings.  She let Daddy swing her for a very long time and nearly fell asleep.  Jordan said her favorite part was the colorful slide because it was pretty, tall, and fast.  I thought it was extremely impressive that she climbed the web by herself.  She was extremely proud of herself and so were we.

"I had the worst dream ever..."

The other night, around 4am, I heard someone crying.   At first, I thought it was Emily.  She'll cry out sometimes then put herself back to sleep so I didn't jump up.  I laid there, half sleeping, half pondering the sound.  I heard it again, stronger, louder, and more urgent. 

"Mooooommmmyyyy!" A soft wail comes from the girls' bedroom.  I drag myself up.  Jordan is laying on her side with her eyes closed and tears on her cheeks.  I bend over her bed, pushing back a few stray strands of hair, "What is it baby?"  Her big brown eyes look up at me and they are welled up with tears immediately.

" I had the worse dream every, Mommy!"  She cries pitifully to me.  I have to wonder...what is the worst dream ever for a four year old.  Then she tells me and my heart breaks, "You were gone Mommy.  You were gone forever." And she starts crying again.  I pick her up and nuzzle her.  I try to reassure her that Mommy is fine, I'm right here, everything is okay.  She's still queitly crying so I sing her favorite lullabye which immediately calms her.

I walk with her to my room and we snuggle in the sheet.  Our legs all mixed up and my arms wrapped around her and her head buried in my chest.  Is it wrong to cherish a moment like this when she is scared and worried.  We stayed that way and we slept until around 6am. 

The next morning, while getting dressed, I asked her some more questions. "Do you remember your bad dream from last night?"  "Yes, you went away." "Where did I go Jordan?"  "To heaven." She seems to have a natural curiousity about death recently.  I'm not quite sure where this is coming from but she seems worried about it.

Today, I found out a family friend is losing her battle with cancer.  She will be leaving behind two beautiful sons and a husband.  Her younger son is a student at my school.  I think about how real Jordan's dream seemed to her and how scared she was.  I think about this little boy and how big and real his fear is becoming.  I cry for this family and pray for their strength to get through this difficult time.

I am sad for this little boy who wont have his mom to comfort his fear, reassure his worries, and advocate for his needs any longer.  As someone who has lost a parent, I know the reality of how long this hurt will remain with him and how it will sharp a part of who he will become...and my heart weeps for him.  As a mom, I just want to draw him in and protect his heart. 

Please, if you read this, Pray for the Hall family.  For Michael, Joel, and Nick.  And for Jen Mama.  That she is freed from pain and reassured that her family, friends, and community will always love and cherish her angels.

Sick Girls

The girls are sick!  Poo-ey!  Emily has a wet cough, no fever.  Jordan has a super running nose, cough, and water eyes, no fever.  I hate it when they are that in between sick.  Not sick enough for the doctor, but sick enough to keep them from doing some of their regularly scheduled activities.

We kept Jordan home...or should I say Nini kept her home...from school today.  She was not pleased with this but I'm sure we would've gonna a call to come get her.  Plus, I hate it when parents sent their kids to school so sick they can't even function normally.  It's inconsiderate to the teacher and kids.    I told her if she rested well, drank lots of water, and took her cough medicine like a big girls, she MIGHT be well enough for school on Friday.  I'm just hoping she's well enough for swim lessons, which start on Saturday.  Oh crud!  I just remembered she has dance tomorrow...maybe we'll keep her home from that too.  Hate to get the other ballerina's sick.

I can't believe how much Emily is talking now.  When I got home I set Em up in her highchair with some fruit snacks so I could fold the laundry.  She says, "Mom?  Look.  Shirt?"  I take this to mean, "Hey Mom, what are you doing to that shirt?".  So I answer, "Yup, this is Mommy's shirt.  I'm folding it to put it away." To which she answers, "Mom?  Look.  Shirt?".  Broken record but I love it.

I tend to eat after the girls have had their supper so that I can eat while my food is still hot.  I was eating my pizza and drinking my diet coke in the living room.  Emily walks up and reaches out for my drink.  "I...?" (which means ice).  "Yes, you can have some ice."  I start to reach in my cup to retrieve an ice cube and she starts shaking her head back and forth. "Don't you want ice?"  She continues and reaches to grab the cup for herself.  "No Em.  Mommy will hold it."  I watch as her face crumbles, her fists ball up angerily, she stomps a few feet away.  She stands with her feet spread apart firmly, her arms straightened at her sides, fists clenched.  She lets her head fall back and lets out a long discontented moan; mouth wide open, eyes sqeezed just....crocodile tears.

Oh man...that's pitiful, I thought to myself.  She then stomped over to the child sized arm chair and plopped down to pout.  She sat over there with her little bulldog lip sticking out for a while staring me down as I drank from my cup.  After a few seconds, she came back over and said, "Sip, please." While signing please.  I guess the drink was worth her dropping the 'tude. 

Saturdays are a blast

I took Jordan to her first school friend birthday party yesterday.  My wonderful husband kept Emily with him for what was a unknown number of hours.  Thank goodness he did because they had taken the gate down around their pool and Emily would have gone straight in. 

Jordan's friend's name is Olivia and she was turning three.  From what I can tell, Jordan is the oldest in her class.  Olivia's home was  huge!  They got her a petting zoo; complete with sheep, goats, chickens, rabbits, and a potbelly pig, and pony rides.  I got a lot of satisfaction watching how easy it is for her to introduce herself (and me) to everyone and just dive right in.  I loved meeting four of her classmates.  Seeing how she interacts with them and listening in on their conversations.  She and Paige seem to still together the most.  Paige was there with her dad and little brother.  We chatted some about how much they've changed since school started and the possibility of weekend playdates.  Another mom and I talked about how we aren't really interested in weekday playdates because WE'RE so tired after work and how much their vocabularies have grown.  It was a nice time.

On the drive home, I asked Jordan, "What was your most favorite part of the party?".  She answered, "The rabbits!  I loved those soft little bunnies!  Then swimming in their pool all by myself.  Then the pony ride!!!!"  Her squeaky voice getting higher and higher as her she is tell me this.  I had been very impressed with her confidence in the pool.  She has been swimming with a floatie at her Grandpa's pool.  She was eager to show off this new form of independence.  They had a floatie so she took and just jumped right in!

Emily had a fantastic day with her daddy.  They watched Baby Signing Time together and fell asleep on the recliner.  Those videos are her favorite and she does almost every sign in them now.  Getting her to use them in conversation is more challenging but we are using more and more so I think it will be great as the girls get older.

Since Emily was still asleep when we got home, I set Jordan up with a movie and fell into my fell exhausted from the heat and exersion of socializing with people I don't know!  LOL!

Dancing Queen

I knew they existed.  Yes.  I certainly knew that there were parents out there who act a little nuts when it comes to their kids activities. Jordan started dance class tonight.  She takes a 45 minute class once a week that is a combination tap, ballet, tumbling class.  She loves it.  Last season the parents sat in the waiting area and chatted quietly and there weren't too many of us out there.  The little girls danced in the smaller studio that doesn't have a window to view in.  This didn't really bother me.  This is Jordan's time to practice and I didn't want to be a distraction to her.  Tonight the dance studio was a MADHOUSE!!!  The girls were in the bigger studio with the viewing window.  Parents crowded around it; not letting their babies out of the sites for a millisecond.  This made it so hard on me since I was chasing Emily back and forth down the skinny waiting room/hallway.  Cut the cord people!  Maybe it was just because it was the first night of classes.  I hope they all calm down and I hope their kids aren't as high strung.

It's a school day tomorrow.  I love Jordan's school days.  I love the routine in the morning.  More than anything I love it when I see Jordan after school and get to hear all about her day.  It's exciting to me to know what she chose to do while she was away from her family members; how she enjoyed the activities and structure of the day.  I love hearing what snack she ate and how she liked it even though she prefers the graham crackers they sometimes get.  I love hearing about how she hardly needs any help to use the potty (a point of pride since so many in her class aren't trained yet).  I love hearing how her friendships are developing.  It's all so very interesting and exciting.

Then I glance at Emily and think...please...for goodness sake SLOW DOWN!  Ever new milestone makes me sadder and sadder.  I never thought I would fit into this stereotype!  She's my baby...she always will be.  We got Jordan a two wheeler with trainers for her fourth birthday.  Emily will be getting Jordan's old bike.  I'll bet she has that think figured out and wheeling all over the place before I know it.  I just want to cry!

Slow Down My Darlings...

First, Jordan.  I see so much change in my oldest daughter as she is completeing her third week of pre-school.  She only goes 3 days a week but there is clear change in her.  I noticed it especially when we went to Chick-fil-a for dinner yesterday evening.  After eating all of her chicken and most of her fruit cup, she happily went to play in their indoor playroom.  Without fear or reservation, she seamlessly joined the group of kids who were older than her and were playing a game of tag.  I watched like a hawk for roughhousing from the bigger kids but it was a nice group.  One bigger girl took Jordy by the hand to play.  Soon, Jordy was running around like she was one of them.  Usually, Jordy has trouble getting bigger kids to play with her.  She is very verbal with a high level vocabulary.  But her size and age throw the big kids off.  She seems to have found a way to get along.

Other areas of vast improvement are in her art.  Her drawing are much clearer.  Where her princess drawings used to be scribble people, they clearly have a head, body, arms, legs, and faces.  She even did one with hair, ears, and a tiara!  Her painting is improving.  I have notices as well a sweetness with her sister.  I see them hugging more, sharing more, and seeking each other out to play.  This has always worried me...like it might not happen.  Jordy was so indifferent to Emily except to display jealous at the attention she received until Emily started walking.  It has lightened my heart a great deal to see their interactions group and develop.

Which brings me to Emily.  That hair cut I gave her really makes her look more grown up.  She has been cutting her K9s on the bottom so has been irratable.  She is joyful and flexible as long as she isn't ignored.  She is much more self-sufficient than Jordy was at her age.  She will happily play by herself coloring or with blocks, then she'll wonder over for a huge and chat, then wander off again for some independent play.  It's the best because I'm able to get a lot done. 

What I have noticed the most in the last month is how much more specific her language is.  She isn't just saying one word at a time. She is stringing together words to create sentences and mixing them with intelligent babble.  I call it that because her phrasing is so repeatitive that I'm convinced she is saying something and trying to get us to understand but it's still just baby.  Some of her catch phrases are:

• Ready to go?  Get shoes! Let's go! Buh-gye (this is all said while pulling on a back or trying to open the front door).
• Where Daddy?  Work Daddy?  Daddy! (Always said in the car on the ride home or when we walk in the door but have beat Josh home).
• Watch Caillou?  Watch Caillou?  Yeah! (She loves Callou from PBS Kids)

We are working on developing more of her signs.  She LOVES LOVES LOVES Baby Signing Time.  She can sign everything from the videos pretty decently but isn't using them outside the videos because they just aren't being as closely reinforced.  I'm working on it. 

Love these kids!  I'm hoping for some time at the park this weekend.  Want to find a decent walking trail that's in the shade.  Gotta start getting back on that weight loss wagon!

Back to reality

My husband and I recently went on a cruise to the Bahamas for our five year anniversary.  It was the the first time we have been on a vacation together since we got married in Jamaica!  Long overdue and much deserved, we had a blast doing a whole lot of nothing and a whole lot everything on the boat!  But we both missed the girls like crazy while we were gone.

A few days before we were scheduled to leave, Jordy came down with a horrible cough.  Josh and I alternated two nights in a row of sleeping with her out in the living room.  Doctor informed us it was croup and gave us medicine.  She was still coughing and taking meds the day of departure.   

The morning we were to leave, I got up and got myself ready first.  I began making a simple but filling breakfast for all of us.  Eggs, toast, smoothies, and coffee for me.  I can made the eggs and given some to Emily to get her started.  She likes to eat by 8am on the dit dot or she'll let you know she's displeased!  I got the ingredients needed to make straberry/banana/cherry smoothies.  I turned away and didn't hear Jord come up behind me with her chair.  She had positioned herself right in front of the stove.  Before I could even realize she was in danger, she had placed her right hand on the flat top burner...which was off but was still hot from the eggs I'd made fro Emmy. 

A personal nightmare of mine, she looked up at me with her large brown eyes.  They screamed silently at me, "What is happening?  Why do I hurt to bad?"  I grabbed her up and put her hand under cool water at the sink.  She was screaming and crying and her hand began to shake.  I have absolutely no experience with serious burns so I put an ice pack on it.  That made it worse.  Then I got on the computer and looked up what I should do.  I got a cool cloth and pressed it but she said the cloth hurt it.  I debated whether to take her to the hospital or the doctors.  I took the clothe off and realize her burn had already bubbled up.  It was an angry red color, raised.  It ran from the mound of skin just below her thumb down to her wrist.  I have a great pediatrician so I called him first.  His office told me to bring her right in.  Within 20 minutes of her burn we were sitting in the doc's office.

Most of the burn was first degree with a second degree burn were her skin had bubbled up.  They gave us Silvadene and told us to continue changing the dressing twice a day until healed.  While there, Jordy's caught was out of control.  I think it was because she was so upset.  They gave her a breathing treatment.  The action of breathing steadily and the very cool facemask she got to wear (at least she thought so) calmed her down and she asked me to read to her while she was taking her treatment. 

This whole time at the doctor's, I was a hot mess.  I started crying and just feeling so very guilty.  I know better than to turn my back.  I should have remained closer to the stove to block that hot area.  I should have...I could have...  I went over the scene in my mind a million times and every time I prevented the accident that had hurt my baby girl.  The doctor noticed my distressed.  He stopped what he was doing and sat with me for a minute.  He reassured me that this happens often and doesn't reflect my parenting.  He told me I had acted quickly and brought her in right away and that was the best I could do in the situation.  I still felt like ass....but call me vain it felt good to have someone tell me I wasn't the worst mom inthe world.

So our vacation started out with quite an adventure.  Jordan was acting a lot more like herself by the time we took her to her Nini's for the weekend.  It was ten times harder to leave knowing she was hurting but I knew she was in capable hands that care for her as well as I could.  We checked in often while away and realized Jordy was having a blast with her Neen and Papa! 

The burn is healing slowly but it is healing.  So, lesson learned.  She avoids the stove now and I watch Em like a hawk when she comes in to see what I'm up to.  She's tall enough to get both hands up on the counter when she's on tip toes and she's a climber. 

car singing rocks my world

Today was beauty day for this Momma.  It has been a year since I got my hair colored so I went so that I would look put together during our cruise. Plus the day after we get home, I start work and wont have time to get it done before I go back.  Went a little nuts and got red lowlights and bright blond highlights. 

I don't like to take the girls with me when I go get my hair done for several reasons.  (1) They have the patience of knats.  (2) The chemicals in the air.  (3) It's "me" time.  At any rate, I had my nephew watch them at my sister's house.  Jordan LOVES going to her Aunt Leigh Leigh's house.  Kyleigh and Jacob are a nice change of pace from just being at home with Momma or running errands.  Emily also seems to really enjoy being around all the noise and hustle of playing that exists there. 

On the way to Leigh's house, I was singing some song that was playing on the radio (I think it was a Kelly Clarkson son), and not well I will add, but I still belt it out like a rock star because whose listening but my kids and they don't care what I sound like...yet.  So, I'm singing and rocking out with Kelly when I hear this light, sing-songy, high-pitched voice coming from the back seat.  There are some la-las but no melody.  This isn't Jordan, I decide, since Jordan just tries to see Twinkle Twinkle or Mary had a Little Lamb louder than I'm singing.  I tilt the rearview mirror to glance at Emily.  She's staring out the window bobbing her head to the beat and singing away in her own little Emily Language.  My heart melts. 

Getting Out

After being cooped up all day yesterday, Jordan seemed to need to get out today. And honestly, I've never been a home body. All three of us girls ate our breakfast. As usual, Emily scarfed hers. She takes fistfuls and shovels in like the eggs will disappear at any moment. The eggs lasted moments. Then we cleaned up and headed out to the YMCA.

Our local YMCA has a kidzone. I can drop the kids off for up to an hour and a half while I work out. It's been a god-send this summer since I have been on a mission to reclaim my body for myself. To Jordan, it's the most social interaction with kids she gets on a regular basis. She has friends there and she loves the "teachers". There is a separate section for the under two crowd. It's so good for Emily to have other little ones to play with as well. Today, there was some crazy little boy in there about eight or nine years old. He was pushing a toddler sized stroller at a break-necked speed. Two of the three teachers were trying in vain to get him to stop and settle. The third teacher was signing me out and explaining an incident Jordan had with the boy.

Jordan told the older boy she was strong. This kid apparently felt threated by my three year olds claim of strength because he said he was stronger, then proceeded to bend her finger back. Before you get up in arms...and believe me I took a cleansing break so that I didn't jump over the half door to strangle the kid who would dare to hurt my girl...you should should know that I trust the discipline policy that is in place there. They put him in a time out and made him apologize to her. The teacher said, "We were all pretty amazed at how forgiving Jordan was." Of course they were! Jordan is a pretty stoic kid.

Jordan and I had a talk in the car ride to lunch about bigger kids. I told her that sometimes kids don't know the rules or make bad choices during play times. We talked about how bigger kids like that little boy, aren't the best choice for her to play with. I asked her who she likes to play with most. She told me her best friends at the Y are a little girl named Nicole and Alana. I asked her why she likes playing with them so much. She told me because they all like playing dress up and they are nice to her. I asked her if that boy liked playing the same games as her and if he was nice to her. She said, "No, so maybe I wont play with him anymore." Smart girl.

I love the age Jordan is. She is developing a knowledge of right and wrong, likes and dislikes. She reasons for ever choice that she believes in. I can only hope that her willfulness and strong personality become great assets to her in womanhood. I know that they have been great traits for myself as I've made choices about my career and parenting.

Being a mom is the hardest, most wonderful experiences in the world. I'm more than a mom. I'm a wife. I'm a teacher. I'm a reader. I'm a singer. I'm a friend. I am all of these things. They all define me. I attempt to never allow one to outweigh the other.

I struggle with balance like anyone would. My girls are amazing. Jordan will be four in a couple of months. I signed her up for preschool yesterday. I cried a little as I got in my car. Where has the time gone? I remember the day I got the phone call from the fertility doctors that I was pregnant. I remember how excited I was, and the instant connection I felt to the life growing inside me. I was so proud and happy that I had been able to get pregnant before any real treatment was necessary. I remember all those amazing milestones as she grew inside of me and how simple it was to choose her name once we knew the baby was a girl. I remember laying on my tummy and feeling her bump me for the first time. I remember being in the pool everyday until the day before delivery, getting exercise and stretching to prepare my body for labor. Then came the day of her arrival. The anticipation and excitement. I said to my mom with tears in my voice, "Mommy, I'm going to have a baby today". How hard it all was. The pain. How the only way I got through that labor with no epidural was picturing holding her for the first time. Nothing could ever describe what I felt when I pulled her up to me. How ageless and wise her eyes were. How I instantly recognized her hands and feet as looking exactly like my husband's. How I knew she and I would always be bonded in a way that defied explaination.

My second daughter, Emily, was a complete surprise! We weren't trying to get pregnant and quite frankly, we weren't sure we wanted more children when we got pregnant. My hubby had been making his case for singletons and I was slowly coming around. But I wouldn't trade Emily for anything. She is joyous and curious about everything. I hated being pregnant the second time around. I was sick all day long for 16 weeks. And I was working at a new school. I was exhausted all the time. The only exciting part was picking her name. We took a lot longer to figure out a name but landed on Emily because it's old-fashioned, femine, and my favorite and closest cousin's name. I remember feeling like I was just some sort of incubation receptical. I had none of the warm-fuzzy feelings I had during my first pregnancy.

I was three weeks out from my due date and my widwife told me I was two centimeters. The next week, I saw the doctor and he told me I wasn't dialated at all. I was so confused, and tired, and frustrated. I had a full out panic crying attack. I just wanted the pregnancy to be over! A few days later, my midwife called and asked me to come in so she could check me. She explained how the baby had shifted and had pulled by cervix back making it hard to reach. I cried and cried in the office about how I was feeling and she agreed to induce labor with pitocin. I was worried about using pitocin since I didn't have it last time and was afraid I'd end up with an epidural if we used it. But my labor with Emily was in a lot of ways simpler than Jordan's. My water stayed intact until I was 6cm so I had a nice cushion to help with the contractions. I knew what to expect so I was able to stay calm during transition. Pushing was easier since I knew what a good push felt like.

But nothing, nothing, would ever prepare me for what I felt when I pulled her up to me after she was born. I realized in that moment that I had not wanted her for most of my pregnancy. I looked into her beautiful face that looked so much like mine and my mom's and I wanted her and loved her. I also realized I had been scared that I would never be able to love another baby the way I had loved Jordan. I had a severe panic attack when they took her. I yelled at Josh to stay with her and got upset when I couldn't see them working on her. I kept asking if she was okay. All I wanted was for her to be back in my arms. They gave me stadol to calm me down. And I thank my lucky stars they did.

Today, Jordan is willful, expressive, opinionated, and sensitive. She requires a lot of one on one time. She is hilariously funny. Emily will be 20 months old this month. She loves to laugh, is discovering new abilities and words each day, she loves her sister, and is joyful above all things.

These are my children. They make me strong and they give me purpose.