Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Be engaged...you'll never regret it

I'm a busy mom.  All moms are busy.  In the past couple of years, I have felt overwhelmed with the amount of commitments I allow myself.  This year though, I am determined to handle everything.  In order to do this I had to realize what I was doing wrong.  There had to be a root to my stress.  I knew that I couldn't keep all the plates spinner if I could just put my finger on what was causing me to drop them all in the past.  It was lack of organization.

Organization has always been a struggle for me. I pile things up telling myself I will sort it out later.  But I never do.  I never follow through with containers, binders, labels, etc.  Not anymore.  I took on the role of PTA president this year and I'm a Girl Scout Troop Leader.  If I drop plates, there are parents and kids relying on me to be consistent, transparent, and communicative.

 
Tonight, I held our first parent meeting of the year for Girls Scouts.  I am very proud of myself for creating a binder to stay organized.  Of course I had to get it in green and made a cover sheet.  I loved the vintage GS picture of the different levels of girls from days past.

Inside, I have tabs for the following topics: troop meeting plans, troop budge/expenses, calendars/newsletters, permission/health forms, brownie patch tracker, daisy patch tracker, Sandpiper Community Meetings, and trainings.  I am using sheet protectors to keep agendas, minutes, and forms that I need multiple copies of.  The only problem is that when I use page protectors, I can see my table labels but I'll find a solution eventually.

I'm also going to help keep my parents and girls more organized.  I borrowed a folder idea from this organized troop leader.  Each Brownie will get a green (brown folders are impossible to find!) plastic folder with their name on it.



I fell in love with Jen Allen's blog I am Girl Scouts.  She has tons of templates you can type into for free.  Her designs are colorful and fun.  Her Girl Scout Promise and Law page is the front cover.  I think I am a bit of a traditionalist in this aspect.  I think everything we do has connect to the promise and law.  These statements are our mission and give us purpose and direction.  They bind us together in a sisterhood.  All my Brownies have the promise memorized.  We will be working on memorizing the law this year. 


The next pack is Jen's Troop Snack Calendar.  I left mine blank. The girls will write it in at each meeting (being responsible for what I say and do).  Some troops set up a schedule but we choose new kapers at the end of each meeting.  My girls enjoy this process.



 The next page is the Girl Scout Promise using sign language.  I am going to teach my Daisies using sign language.  It's a tactile way to learn it, fun, and adds a multicultural element to our meeting. 
On the inside left pocket is a label with the leader contact information. 



I will add an envelope for dues and resource pages as the year progresses.  If the girls have "scoutwork" (instead of homework) this is where it will go.  These folders aren't as bulky as the girl guide binders.

I am also pretty proud of my little newsletter.  I borrowed the Troop Scoop from something I saw on pinterest but haven't been able to find it again.  All in all I am having a great time.  I have amazing parents who are willing to step in and plan events, parties, lessons, field trips.  They are generous and love their kids and love our troop.  It makes the volunteering part a joy to be a part of.

A woman interrupted our meeting (we met at a Chick-fil-a) for a few minutes inquiring about troops and how to get a placement.  I encouraged her to become a leader.  I know people look at me like I 'm crazy when I tell them I am a GS Leader, PTA President, Wellness Champion.  I take on a lot.  But what is the alternative?  Sitting around twiddling my thumbs? 

Probably not but I know I will never regret engaging in my children's childhood.  Because I am involved in girl scouts I am ensuring that my daughters are having experiences to build their courage and confidence.  Because I am involved in PTA I know that not just my kids but their school is going to have programs that empower families to be engaged in their children's school lives. 

Someone recently said, "I just don't have time to be involved."  My heart crushes for them.  I know that our lives are crazy.  Everyone has a million things to do, bills to pay.  So many of us are treading frantically in stormy waters just hoping that the next huge wave wont be the one to pull us under for good. But engaging at school, in your community, at your church...whatever it is you choose that improves the community...is the right thing to do. So,  I choose. I choose engagement over neutrality.  I choose communication over silence.  I choose positive change over stagnant living. I choose my children.

Don't get me wrong.  I don't write this to shout to the world that I am an awesome parent.  Read my previous post.  I fail all the time.  I make more mistakes than I care to admit.  But I think I am a testament to a busy mom's best efforts to be the change in the world that I want to see happening.  An I'm proof that anyone can do it.

 

Sunday, September 7, 2014

Sensitive Kids


There is thing that happens most days.  It's called homework.  Some days my children attack their homework with confidence and gusto.  They revel in the knowledge that they completed a task that brings them one small step closer to free time on Friday. Don't get me started that they only get this free time (which was once called recess) on Fridays.

What does homework look like on the other days?  It's nothing short of a crisis.  Everyday I live in fear for the moment I have to ask, "Do you guys have any homework?"  If I get an eye roll from my eight year old...then I need to brace myself for the long haul.  First, denial.





Jordy on a good homework day at the library.

"No.  I don't have homework tonight. I can do double tomorrow since it's not due until Friday."  Sigh.  I am preparing the consequences in my head...no electronics of any kind until homework is done because it is really difficult to get her to stop her chosen activities once she has started.  I try to remind her of how good she felt on the days she completed her homework right after school and had the whole day to play with her puppy, on the computer, do art projects, etc. 


"But I'm hungry" or have a head ache, or thirsty, or have to go potty.  Insert whatever excuse she is rotating through that day.  Sigh.  Breath.  Don't loose your patience. 


But I can feel it building.  My frustration at her refusal to comply to the routine.  My impatience at her unwillingness to do as she is asked.  My anger at having had to work all day and deal with so many issues that it would be amazing to come home to compliant, respectful, perfect kids.  DEEP BREATH...because I know that isn't real.  My kids are confident, independent.  They negotiate terms.  They are intelligent and witty.  They don't always comply, they aren't always respectful (they're working on it) and they certainly will never be perfect.  I love them.


As I dig my heals in ("You will sit here until this is finished.") and so does she ("But I can't because I know how to spell this...my pencil broke...this pen doesn't feel right") ...something in her snaps.  Her anxiety is triggered.  She begins to panic and I feel completely responsible because I couldn't keep my cool.  I should know better.  I know she is highly emotionally sensitive.  I know that when her anxiety is triggered she goes from not wanting to her homework to truly believing she will fail second grade because she can't do the assignment.  All the signs of a panic attack are there.  She hyperventilates, her hands shake, she cries and hides.  And I hang my head in shame as she slams the door to get away from me...the source of the trigger...her mother.
This was taken after about 3 hrs of battling it out.

So what do I do?  Josh is amazing with her and is usually able to coax her back out to finish her assignments.  I know that her anxiety stems from the gifted characteristic called "perfectionism".  She is terrified of being a failure; and especially in front of me.  In other children it might mean a relentless focus on details.  And in some situations she is that way.  In art, she will re-draw the same image hundreds of times.  In music, she will sing the same song until she gets the pitch the way she wants it.  But in most academic areas, her perfectionism causes fear to rule her world. 


In school, she doesn't have issues except during testing situations and that has gotten better over time.  So what is the common denominator of her attacks?  Me.  She only panics at school in gifted...which she has with me once a week. 


So I am setting some small simple goals for myself:
1. When I notice the signs...take a walk before I start feeling the frustration (at home).  At school, I will simply walk away and work with another child for a while.
2. Create a schedule for when and where homework will be done each day.
3. Do a fun artsy thing with her either before or after homework time...her choice. 


It is my hope that by doing this I will help her to see that I am changing my behaviors; to help her see that I value her emotional health; and that I love her enough to change for her.


Don't get me wrong...this isn't every day.  Maybe 1-2 days a week this is happening.  But it's so stressful for everyone in the house that I feel it must change.


I am also reading as much as I can to help her:
http://giftedkids.about.com/od/socialemotionalissues/a/giftedstress_ed.htm


Tips for Parents


Stress, Learning and the Gifted


Bibliotherapy