"I had the worst dream ever..."

The other night, around 4am, I heard someone crying.   At first, I thought it was Emily.  She'll cry out sometimes then put herself back to sleep so I didn't jump up.  I laid there, half sleeping, half pondering the sound.  I heard it again, stronger, louder, and more urgent. 

"Mooooommmmyyyy!" A soft wail comes from the girls' bedroom.  I drag myself up.  Jordan is laying on her side with her eyes closed and tears on her cheeks.  I bend over her bed, pushing back a few stray strands of hair, "What is it baby?"  Her big brown eyes look up at me and they are welled up with tears immediately.

" I had the worse dream every, Mommy!"  She cries pitifully to me.  I have to wonder...what is the worst dream ever for a four year old.  Then she tells me and my heart breaks, "You were gone Mommy.  You were gone forever." And she starts crying again.  I pick her up and nuzzle her.  I try to reassure her that Mommy is fine, I'm right here, everything is okay.  She's still queitly crying so I sing her favorite lullabye which immediately calms her.

I walk with her to my room and we snuggle in the sheet.  Our legs all mixed up and my arms wrapped around her and her head buried in my chest.  Is it wrong to cherish a moment like this when she is scared and worried.  We stayed that way and we slept until around 6am. 

The next morning, while getting dressed, I asked her some more questions. "Do you remember your bad dream from last night?"  "Yes, you went away." "Where did I go Jordan?"  "To heaven." She seems to have a natural curiousity about death recently.  I'm not quite sure where this is coming from but she seems worried about it.

Today, I found out a family friend is losing her battle with cancer.  She will be leaving behind two beautiful sons and a husband.  Her younger son is a student at my school.  I think about how real Jordan's dream seemed to her and how scared she was.  I think about this little boy and how big and real his fear is becoming.  I cry for this family and pray for their strength to get through this difficult time.

I am sad for this little boy who wont have his mom to comfort his fear, reassure his worries, and advocate for his needs any longer.  As someone who has lost a parent, I know the reality of how long this hurt will remain with him and how it will sharp a part of who he will become...and my heart weeps for him.  As a mom, I just want to draw him in and protect his heart. 

Please, if you read this, Pray for the Hall family.  For Michael, Joel, and Nick.  And for Jen Mama.  That she is freed from pain and reassured that her family, friends, and community will always love and cherish her angels.