The Journey

Josh and I at my brother's wedding
June 2001

I use an app called Lose It.  I went on their forums today and looked through the before and after pics.  It got me thinking about what I have been through the last 10 years.  When Josh and I first got together I weighted about 145lbs.  I was 19.  I was still working towards my AA degree and I had just started a desk job.  That's when I started gaining.

Within the first year of my job, my weight climbed to 170lbs.  I didn't feel like it was a huge deal since I was in a committed relationship and he didn't seem to mind a few extra pounds (how I thought 15lbs was a little bit of weight is beyond me).  I ate what I wanted when I wanted because I always had.

The next five years were tumultous.  I was very motivated to getting my teaching degree.  Josh and I were engaged.  It was all so very stressful.  When we set our wedding date for August of 2005 and I bought a dress.  I knew it was time to slim back down.  I used the gym at my work and cut out carbs, ate smaller, more frequent meals.  At the time of my wedding, I was back down to 155lbs. 



On our wedding day 08-05 in Jamaica.

 Our wedding was so beautiful.  We kinda eloped to Ocho Rios, Jamaica.  A honeymoon was really important to both of us and we knew we couldn't afford a traditional wedding AND take a honeymoon.  I remember feeling fantastic and beautiful and so very happy. 

Over the next few months, I was taking 3 classes and putting in a lot of hours as a preservice teacher.  I had quite my job at the Sheriff's Office so I could complete my bachelor's degree.  I couldn't believe how supportive Josh was to my goals and dreams.  By that Decemeber we had decided that we would stop using birth control and just let nature takes its course.  I have PCOS (poly cystic ovarian syndrome), which we beleived would prevent us from getting pregnant unaided.  So we really didn't think I'd become pregnant very quickly.

During our priliminary bloodwork at a fertility doctor's, we found out we were going to have our first baby.  We were excited and scared.  I was in my internship, teaching everyday right on through the morning sickness.  We prepared the best we could.  We took a class on birthing.  I took classes on breastfeeding.  I read anything I could get my hands on.  I exercised almost everyday in the pool and only gained 25lbs.  When I look back at that time, it has a rosey hue to it.  I was very in tune with my body and felt like I knew Jordan before she even arrived.  I wont go into the full details of her birth. 



Jordan and I on an outing in Orlando,
March or April of 2007.

 After I had Jordan, the new school year had already begun.  I became a sub for that school year and I stayed at a very sluggish 168lbs.  I loved being home most of the time with Jordan.  I wore her everywhere and I was truly very happy.  We had many outtings and I was very busy.  Again, I didn't think my weight was that big a deal.  I was pretty active if not exercising.  I ate what I wanted.  I didn't consider myself overweight.  I had just had a baby for crying out loud!  I was breastfeeding so I justified any extra calories I might be eating as necessary.

That fall, I HAD to find a regular teaching job.  However, no was hiring.  I finally found a long term sub job but after 90 days, it became a temporary contract position.  I was so excited...and stressed out.  I ate a lot of junk.  I ate school lunch or ate out everyday.  Josh and I were eating pizza or take out most evenings since I was staying so late at school to create lessons.  I was not exercising much. And we both noticed by Christmas how tired, sluggish, and unhealthy we felt.  We joing the YMCA.  ONe of my friends from school wanted to meet up to exercise together so that was great.  For a while we would meet up and I began to watch what I was eating.  Josh and I were taking a water tai chai.  I got back down to 160lbs. I was really looking forward to the next school year.  Josh and I bought our first house.  Jordan was growing really fast.  Everything was great.  I was happy.  Noticing a pattern yet?



December 2008: pregnant with Emily Mae



May 2008: I'm pregnant here but didn't know it yet.



      In April of 2008, I found out that several schools in my distric were closing and I wasn't going to be able to stay on at my school.  I was devestated.  I had made some really great friends.  But more importantly, I had just bought a house and I was OUT OF A JOB!  It was beyond stressful.  Then in June...SURPRISE...I found out I was pregnant with our second child.  

I worked at the summer writer's camp where I met Lori Gaudreau...whom I beleive God put into my life for many reasons.  She adviced me to go to the Pinellas County job fair after I told her I didn't think I should (I didn't tell anyone related to school that I was pregnant).  I followed her advice and got an interview with the principal at Ponce de Leon Elementary.  I found out within days that I had gotten the job to teach fourth grade...ON LORI'S TEAM!  I was so releived and excited!

After I had Emily...I was very unmotivated.  She was a big baby (9lbs 4oz) and I had trouble with her shoulders which caused a long recovery for my pelvic bone.  It hurt to get up and down or move around to fast.  But I was back at work within 5 weeks.  But I ate like I was still pregnant...again justifying those calories because I was breastfeeding.  What a mistake! I was back up to 180lbs.  

August 2009: Em is 7 months and Jordan is almost 3.

In August of 2009, I went to Ohio for my cousin, Emily's wedding.  I got my hair done.  I bought the girls matching dresses.  I tried to eat right and started exercising a little since I was going to be going up in front of everyong to read a passage. 

But, I didn't lose hardly any weight.  This is when I started using the Lose It app but I was really just starting to figure the science behind losing weight out.

As you can see, I found a dress to wear...after much searching (remember that nightmare Mom?) and I loved it.  I had to wear all kinds of suck-it-in wear underneath b\ut it was a great dress...one that I love to wear these days.  BTW...aren't those girls too cute?!!?!!?

The picture that really kicked
me into high gear.

Anyway, the next school year, I didn't pay much attention to my weight at all.  But I started to feel like I really needed to do something serious about it.  I suddenly hated shopping.  Nothing fit right.  I was really out of shape trying to keep up with the kids.  In January of 2010, I started working on my masters degree through UF.  I was beyong stressed.  2010 was also the year of our five year wedding anniversary.  Josh and I decided to do it big and book a cruise.  This was just the motivation I needed!  I was boung and determined to look amazing on our cruise and buy new clothes and fit into a bikini that I wasn't ashamed to wear.



Didn't buy this one but it shows off my shape.



I started using the Lose It app to track my calories, and set goals.  I reported my progress daily on Facebook to keep up a level of accountability.  I was so encouraged by all my friends and family who were cheering me on.  It was an unexpected gift along this journal.  When it came time to buy a bikini and new clothes for the cruise...I was 160lbs and felt really fit and active.  I had lost 20 lbs in about 12 weeks! 

I had such a blast trying on clothes that really fit me!  And I couldn't beleive it when I finally found a bikini that I was proud to wear to the beach.  I felt incredible.  My classes were going well and we were going on our first real vacation together since our wedding. 



August 2005: Atlantis, Bahamas (that's my bikini!)



On the trip, we didn't worry about calories or exercise or anything for that matter.  We just enjoyed each other's company.  We went to Atlantis in the Bahamas for a day, say stand up comics, drank, and ate the most amazing food I had ever eaten!  I think Josh and I fell in love all over again on that trip.  We planned future travels and relaxed.  I saw the Milky Way for the first time.  It made me feel so small and so connected all at the same time.  Truly inspirational.



During the next schoo year, I fell out of the habit of exercising regularly and my diet really suffered.  I slowly crept all the way back up to 175lbs.  I was tired and sluggish again.  We became couch potatoes.  I was very stressed out with the level of difficulty my course work had taken...AND I was teaching fifth grade on a new team.  I ate out a lot again or bought school lunch.  Then we signed Jordan up for soccer.  Watching her struggle to keep up with the other kids was a real eye opener.  Josh and I realized that our sedentary lifestyle was a learned behavior that we were passing on to our kids.  That snapped us into high gear pretty quickly.

Josh got super dedicated and his dedication to fitness and health was infectious.  For the past four months, Josh and I have weighted in daily on our Wii to help keep us focused.  We plan all our meals ahead of time so we always know what we are going to eat.  We make sure we get the girls out and playing.  We go to the gym 5-7 times a week depending on our schedules.  Josh has lost 67lbs in the last four months! He is my inspiration and my heart.



Excuse my messy room...155lbs!!!!



I am currently back down to 155lbs!!!  My goal is 145lbs.  Once there I will assess my BMI to figure out if I should go lower or not.   I took these two pictures today.  Front and side view.  I tried on a couple of dresses last week just to see what size I am.  A size 12 dress is too big in the best but fits only slightly snug in the belly...but a size 14 is just way too big.  I'm very excited and hope that within the next few months I will be able to lose the last 10lbs and be in a size 10!

That belly is almost gone!

If you made this far into my blog post...thanks for your support.  Writing all this down was an exercise in relflecting on where I have been in the last 10 years.  It has been a yo yo.  Recognzing my tendency to stress eat is huge.  I know that when I am stressed out, I need to take a step away from the fridge and go for a walk instead.

After writing this post, I was super motivated.  I went to the mall today and tried on a couple more dresses.  Here is what I found:





This one is different from the one below.  I liked this one more.